White Carnations
by innocent passerby
Summary: Al and Ed find out about Mother's Day. implied onesided elricest


Spoilers: none 

Warning: one-sided incestuous hints 

Rating: PG-13 for the incest hints, and for mild language 

Disclaimer: I could only wish to own these characters. These boys are from FullMetal Alchemist by Arakawa Hiromu. ♥ 

Other: Ed POV

* * *

**White Carnations**

Today started just like any other day. I was sitting around, entertaining myself with the latest issue of Alchemy Monthly, when I heard him come in. I immediately put down the magazine and looked up to greet him in my usual fashion. I was startled by his somber demeanour. 

"Oi, Al... What's wrong?" I could tell something was up, I just couldn't put my finger on it. When I shifted my position I caught a glimpse of something he was holding in his left arm. He turned his head and smiled when he nodded, but I wasn't convinced. So I did the only thing I knew to do, I pestered. 

"Al, I can tell something's wrong. Don't even try to hide it, your face is screaming 'DEPRESSED' so just spill it already!" I was on my feet in moments, already walking over to get a closer look at him. It bothered me that he wasn't telling me the truth, I knew that he had his own reasons. I knew that he wouldn't lie to me if it wasn't in my own benefits, but I was too stubborn to accept that. 

He looked down a little to look me in the eyes (no matter how much I hate to admit that he had to look down). "Don't worry, Niisan. Nothing's wrong, so don't worry about it." 

I glanced down and noticed that the thing I had noticed before was a bouquet of white carnations. When I looked back up at his face, he seemed to be pouting at me. I still couldn't figure out what had happened... I started to make guesses, so I accused him of hiding the first thing that came to my mind. "Did you ask some girl out and get rejected?" I knew I was being blunt, but I really didn't like the idea of him liking someone like that and not telling me. 

I didn't know what would have made me feel worse... Al getting accepted by some other person and the thought of him finding comfort in another's arms. Thoughts of him finding someone he loved and wanting to spend all his time with that person. Kissing, hugging, touching, and then more... or Al getting rejected by the person he was looking for these things from. 

I guess the second would have bothered me worse. Al's happiness was, and still is, worth more than jealousy. 

It seemed I had missed the target though, because that dismal look was replaced by an amused chuckle. I was glad that I had lifted the mood, but I was still confused about why he looked so sad before. I was going to bring it up again, but when he pushed the flowers against my chest I had already lost my train of thought. 

"Here, Niisan, you take these. I didn't want to bring this up, because I knew that you would get sad," That's how he started it. I didn't care about getting sad, or anything, I just was set on knowing what had made Al feel that way. "Do you know what today is?" 

I thought about it for a second. I knew it was May nineth, it was a Sunday, I couldn't figure out the significance of that though... I grinned a little, I felt a little dumb for not figuring out what the day meant, but I shook my head 'no' anyway. 

"Well, it's an Ishvar holiday," I was thinking 'No wonder I didn't know,' but I wanted him to continue, so I held my tongue. "I was talking with Scar-san. He gave me these flowers, they're for both of us." I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I heard Scar's name, it did make me feel better when Al added in the flowers were for both of us, not just him. 

"Why the Hell did he give us flowers?" 

"I was getting to that, Niisan. In Ishvar, they have lots of holidays that give tribute to those people who don't get enough respect. Today happens to be a day that they celebrate mothers. Children will take the place as 'mother' and care for their mothers like their mothers had always cared for them." I listened to his story, even though I had no interest in the idea of religion, this 'Mother's Day' sounded like a good idea. "Well, he gave us these flowers because carnations symbolize motherhood. Ishvarites wear a red carnation when their mother is still alive... but when they aren't, they wear white." 

I didn't say anything, I know I must have looked upset, because Al stopped talking... his voice just faded slowly until he was finished with that last sentance. I knew I was upsetting him, but I always seem to get like that whenever someone mentions Kaasan. I felt a little silly, seventeen years old and still so sensitive about something I had convinced myself that I'd accepted. 

"Niisan, don't be sad. I was only sad, because I was thinking about how you'd react when I told you... But today, we should spend remembering the good times, don't you think? Kaasan wouldn't want to be remembered by only the sad things that happened, she would want us to be happy when we think of her." 

I knew that he was right, I had known this for a long time. I had always tried to remember the good things, but I'm the kind of person that likes to look at the whole picture. The better things were, the harder it was to accept the bad thing... her death, her incomplete resurrection... Even before _that_, I had always been more sensitve to the idea of her being gone than Al was. I could already feel myself being taken down into that part of my mind where I still blamed myself. 

"Niisan, snap out of it," I felt a pinch on my left shoulder. It took me a moment to react, I didn't know how to at first, when I remembered, I was already glaring at him, starting to scold him for pinching me. I didn't talk long, because Al was ignoring me, continuing his speech, "Let's go to the balcony. I can make some tea, and we can sit down and talk. I think that we could both use some positive thinking about the past. You get a vase ready, while I boil the water." 

I wasn't used to Al being so demanding, but I nodded and obeyed anyway. I guess I was a little too stunned to reject. I knew that we didn't have a vase, so I decided to make one with an empty glass I found on the kitchen table. I filled it up most of the way with some water from the tap, put the flowers in, and then put it on the center of the table. 

Al was just finishing with the tea when I stepped back to make sure that the vase was centered. He nodded towards the door, so I opened it for us both. I let him sit down first, then I took the chair next to him. I let him start the talking, it had been his idea anyway. 

"Do you remember that time we tried to make that cake for her birthday?" 

As soon as he said it, I remembered the exact instance he was talking about. I laughed a little, nodding my head. As I started to talk about it, it became apparant that the more we said said, the more I remembered. "Yeah, we were pretty young, weren't we? We got flour everywhere, we would have made decent ghosts because we looked so pale!" 

"Oh, and remember what happened with the eggs?" 

"Which thing? I remember breaking the eggs too hard, we got eggshell in the batter. I also remember _accidently_ splattering you with some of the egg, and then you started throwing raw eggs at me!" 

"Don't play victim! You did it _on purpose_, and you threw the cake batter on me!" 

"I only threw a little bit of it, I didn't want to waste it! You spilled the milk down the back of my shirt, and you _knew_ how much I hated that shit!" 

"You would have dumped the entire bowl on me if Kaasan didn't come in and catch us." 

"Yeah, she was pretty mad, wasn't she? She was smiling though, she was always smiling, even when she was angry..." 

"Yes, she was always smiling. Do you remember when she used to sing us to sleep?" 

"How could I forget?" I was asking myself, and him. I had forgotten so many of the good things, in fear of remembering. This really was helping me remember all the things that I should have never pushed away. 

We must have talked together for over an hour. It was starting to get dark before our voices started to hurt from talking too much, and running out of tea to drink. We talked about so many things it's hard to remember the details of the conversation. We talked about when we misbehaved and punished and when we were good and rewarded. During this time, we recalled things that we had taken for granted. We rediscovered things about us that we didn't realize. I had pointed out that Al was more like Kaasan than I was, because he was always so calm and collected. He brought up that Kaasan had always called me her "big boy," and that was when I had started to take offense when someone said I was... "small." 

I felt better after that conversation, I think he did too. He seemed to brighten up as much as I did, maybe even more. It was hard to think that he came into the house this afternoon looking so gloomy. I guess it was hard for him to think of how gloomy I usually get at the mention of our Kaasan. It's probably good to be reminded of her sometimes. 

It's funny how thinking about the little things mean so much more than thinking about the big things that seem to take over anyway. 


End file.
